It’s easier to write when things are going well. That’s a sort of sad first sentence but it was the only way to get me to begin writing this post. The truth is, I have been avoiding this blog and all of you because I am not comfortable being anything but a constant positivity enforcer, smile creator, and laugh enduser. When I feel that I am no longer able to grin and bear it and rise above for the sake of myself and those around me, I shut down and succumb to a hurricane of fear and anxiety. This is the truth. I am not perfect, I am not a positivity master, and I am not always happy, even if the smile on my face is meticulously manufactured to make you believe that I am. Happiness is not something that can always be created and sometimes other feelings take residence. I feel a little lost, if I am to be completely honest. My weight issues have finally found the right track and I am losing weight (I am down 40lbs from my heaviest/the start of this blog,) I am exercising more often then I have in a long time, and I am generally being kinder to my body, but my mental game and sense of independence and financial freedom have taken a downward turn. The influx of work from clients has slowed down and a few big contracts have ended. I feel upset and like I no longer know where to begin. I have been doing my standard outreach and trying to break as much ground as I can but I cannot help but be overcome by stress and sadness. There is so much that I have wanted for my life and while I know I cannot wait around for them to happen, in down times like the present, I cannot help but mourn there absence. Why not me? We all have dreams in our lives, dreams that we hold on to in order to ascertain a feeling of life purpose and ultimate fulfillment and joy. How do you keep fighting when you are begging for an olive branch that you cannot find? How do you stay focused and driven when your access is being denied? Where do you find the strength to break down the walls of your own inner demons and sentiments of worthlessness? I wish I knew the answers. I wish I had a crystal ball that could show me that this heartache and feeling of being lost and insignificant were simply a blip leading me towards an even better reality than I could have imagined. But I have no crystal ball and I have no guarantee and from where I am sitting these visions are hard to decipher. So, I am sorry for sharing such a melancholy post. It is not the kind of message I prefer to promote on my blog but I had to explain the silence and find a way to release the inner workings of my mind. Thank you for reading and for supporting me on my path, I hope I am lead down brighter terrain. If you have any guidance or kind words to offer, they would be greatly appreciated!
Lots of love to you all!
P.S If anyone knows anyone looking for a personal/virtual assistant, please send them my way. For more information about the kinds of services that I offer, check out www.mysuperassistants.com